We May Have A Trifecta In The Works...

So, remember my mentioning the Australian kid who got Miss Universe 2004 to be his prom date?



He may have started a trend.



Because a DIFFERENT Australian kid has just gotten Miss Universe 2006 to be HIS prom date.



I can only say one thing about this, as it seems wildly unlikely, and yet it happened:



Pack up, honey, we're moving to Australia. Then, we're going to buy lotto tickets.

Now, THAT's Funny.

Not work- or family- safe, though.



Anyway, without futher ado, the "Fucking Short" version of the comedy classic, The Big Lebowski.




\r\n
\r\nComedy Gold.
\r\n

...And They Wonder Why...

The media loves to portray those of us who disagree with them politically as "evil right-wingers, rife with paranoia."



I'd like to set the record straight. I'm not a right wing anything. I actually think both American political parties are full of corruption, idiocy, and general malfeasance, which I suppose is the inevitable result of a hereditary aristocracy. (Think it's not? Explain the Kennedys, then.)



But my distrust of the media isn't rooted solely in politics, per se; it's rooted in the fact that in service of their politics, journalists are willing to lie openly to the public, so long as it serves their agenda. This didn't used to be the case; in the past, the media was much more honest, or at least better at not getting caught.



I'm not alone in my disgust with the media. Even Mary Katherine Ham, writing for the Townhall.com site, had plenty to say about the subject.

Does the mainstream press ever wonder why conservatives distrust them so much?



If so, they need look no further than the “fauxtography” scandals of the last couple of weeks. Conservative bloggers have been hard at work sniffing out suspected fakery and staging in the photos sent back on the newswires from the Israel/Hezbollah conflict, and the investigation got pretty smelly.

This article sums it up nicely, I think; the MSM got busy faking news to support their agenda, they got caught red-handed, and now they're trying to pass this, too, off as the actions of "a few extremists."



It makes me honestly wonder how long the excuse of "a few extremists" will continue to suffice as a justification for something that is obviously systemic, pervasive, and persistent in nature, despite the repeatedly noisy denials of the MSM.

So, Ok, Torture's Not Funny, Buuuuuut......

...forcing Saddam Hussein to watch himself get assraped by Satan in the South Park MOVIE, over and over again, sure is.



And that's apparently exactly what his prison guards are doing.



Excuse me for a second.



ROFL.



*Dashes away a happy tear.*



Haaaaa, sorry about that.



So, anyway, torture is wrong, and evil. You shouldn't do it.



[*Edited to correct for clarity: it's the South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut MOVIE. I PROMISE. And by the way: NEENER.*]

More Fun With Hamas!

I'm sure you've all been waiting for me to come up with something political to rant about.

Wait no more!

Jesse Jackson is spending his time, and his adherents' money, hanging out in Gaza, meeting with Hamas leaders.
I would like to say, to everyone that is fooled by this, that the man is a fraud.

He does not care about his constituents, and in fact is willing to travel halfway around the world, at their expense, to meet with terrorists.

This no doubt advances the cause of "colored" people in America in some way that I'm not equipped to understand, considering I'm actually against terrorism.

If your premise is that you want to advance the role of black people in America, Mr. Jackson, then do so. Do so by staying here, in this country, doing things that will help. Raising the minimum wage isn't one of those; meeting with terrorists isn't one of those; traveling the world on the cheritable contributions of your gullible adherents isn't one of those.

Feeding the hungry IS.
Finding jobs for the unemployed IS.
Assisting the uneducated in receiving an education, so they can work for better pay, IS.

Your continued willingness to meet with, and accord legitimacy to, terrorist organizations like Hamas, the PLO, Hezbollah, and the entire government of Iran, merely indicates that your agenda is not as advertised. If you aren't out to improve the lot in life of black people in America, then what, I wonder, IS your goal?

Explain, please.

So, I Get Home From Work, And This Is What I Find...

The following picture, set to the desktop:







The middle reads: "Yeah, yeah, it's girly and cheesy. But I'm a girl, and I'm cheesy. And even if it's girly and cheesy it's still true. So neener."





I love you too, Tara.

Question: Asked, And Answered

So, Sheila, in a stroke of utter, stark coolness, decided earlier to add my page full of erstwhile ramblings to her feed list.



I said something along the lines of "I'm honored, and thank you," and thought this was great.



And then she and I noticed that the feed only showed entries since July 8th.



Oddly, I have posted quite a few times since then.



WTF?!?



So, I went to look at the feed, and see if I could figure out exactly what was the problem THIS time.



Turns out, Yahoo! 360 only adds posts NOT marked "Mature Content" to their feeds. Since I set my blog to default as Mature Content after the events of July, all my posts since then? Gone.



The best part? After unchecking that particular option, and doing some digging, I discovered that entries marked Mature Content STAY that way - even if you don't want them to, and they in fact contain nothing whatsoever that's objectionable.



That stinks, but mystery solved.

Holy Crap, It Worked!!

So, this would be "Luckiest Man In The World, Part 2."



A young man in his senior year in high school, named Daniel Dibley, of Bathurst, Australia, has joined the ranks of Those Who Are Legendâ„¢.



After deciding that the girls in his school didn't exactly "motivate" him for a date for his senior prom, he decided to aim high. After all, who is he to settle for normal mortal women? Hah! not someone like Mr. Dibley.



So, with great creativity and flair, he got out pen and paper, and wrote a letter to Jennifer Hawkins, asking her to be his date to his prom.



Oh, wait. Don't tell me you don't recognize the name?



I meant to say, Miss Universe 2004, Jennifer Hawkins. (link goes to wikipedia SWEET JESUS )



Sorry I forgot that little tidbit.



You can guess from the fact that I'm blogging this that she said yes.



The best part? Mr. Dibley, demonstrating that what women really want is arrogance in a man, regardless of age, money, or physical attractiveness, said in his letter that being his prom date would be an honor...



...for HER.



Mr. Dibley, I salute you. You've restored my faith in the power and majesty of bloated egos worldwide.



Why the hell didn't I think of this?!?



[*Edited to add: Somehow, this completely skipped my mind.*]



Come to Butthead.

Ok, Just To Be Curmudgeonly For A Second...

I will admit that I got off on this topic because I was reading Sheila's blog, where she was discussing an annoying and stupid teacher. Related, but not really the same, but still.



Ready to get told to get off my damn lawn?



Ok.



Since when did it become the standard for kids to need a $150 graphing calculator for seventh grade math?



As far as I remember, a calculator exists to provide people who are not themselves able to perform mathematical calculations a tool with which they can perform up to the standard of those who can, in fact, do math.



For example, I cause awe and amazement of varying degrees among my younger co-workers, because I can calculate things like tips, sales tax, price, and total weight of something, in my head.



This is because when I went to school - and this wasn't THAT long ago - I was forced to learn how to actually perform mathematical calculations. Now, I freely admit, calculus is utterly beyond my powers; 3F4= [a range between 1 and 7] makes no goddamn sense whatsoever, as far as I'm concerned. But I can do sales tax, no sweat. Tips? No problem. Addition? Gotcha.



You may have noticed that I do try - I'm certainly not 100%, but I try - to stick fairly closely to the actual grammatical rules of my native tongue. This is, again, because I learned this in school. It has served me well, although the fact that I have an unusually large vocabulary sometimes makes people give me funny looks.



Ask sometime, and I will tell you precisely what a borborygmus is.



But, back to my point: calculators are not being used properly. They used to be a crutch for those who were not math-enhanced, or as a convenience when dealing with extremely advanced math, usually by people who can in fact perform the calculations on paper but basically don't want to take the time.



Now, instead, they are being used as a prop for kids, so they don't have to learn maths at all; no addition, no subtraction, no long OR short division, no multiplication, no fractions, no algebra, no geometry, nothing. "Use this, because you are too stupid to add."



I cannot convince myself that this is where our schools ought to be going. When I was a child, I had to sit in front of the multiplication tables for simply AGES until I could remember them; I had to learn how exponents worked; I had to learn how to factor a variable; I had to learn how to graph an equation BY HAND, and I had to learn how to calculate things like the hypotenuse of a right triangle.



Now, "How do you find the hypotenuse of a right triangle" actually has its own built-in function on a calculator, I'd bet.



This is pathetic. No wonder kids from India and Japan are taking all the tech jobs; they maybe need some help with English, but they have math skills that are spot-on. Our kids can't add without a machine holding their hands.



OMGWTF@ the handcart, and how fast it is going.



For the record, solving for the hypotenuse (longest side) of a right triangle (one with a 90 degree, "square" corner) is very easy.



Say we know side 1=4, and side 2=3.



Right. We take side 1, and "square" it, by multiplying it by itself. That would be 4 times 4 = 16.

Then we do the same to side 2: 3 times 3 = 9.

With me so far?

Add the two. The sum, 25, is the square of the length of the hypotenuse.



So, we need to find the square ROOT (!) of the sum: 25 / 5 = 5.



Thus, the length of the longest side of that triangle is 5.



That's not too friggin' hard for a 15-year-old. It's certainly not too hard for me. It shouldn't be too hard for anyone over the age of 12. But yet, we're having our kids use calculators, even for this.



How stupid do we really need to get, in this country? I submit to you that we have enough stupid already, and in fact need to  quit producing quite so much of it.



And while I'm at it: GET OFF MY DAMN LAWN, YOU FREELOADING KIDS!



[*Edited to add: bolding and italicization, which I inexplicably forgot.*]

...And So I Said, "I've Been There!" And They Were Like "O RLY?" And I'm Like "Ya RLY."

...Especially after I found these little widgets.



Enjoy!



Visited States (Mine are here)



Visited Countries (Mine are here.)



Just FYI, I'm not embedding, because the images are too big.

...And The Good News Continues...

So, I am rudely awoken on Sunday morning, after a late night and much hoopla, by Tara shaking me and pesting me.

"Dave!"

"Dave!"

"Dave!"

"Dave, wake up!"

"Dave, where are your glasses?"

"Dave put your glasses on!"



"Wtf?"



"Dave omg put on your glasses!"

"Here, look at this!"

I squint. She put this smelly stick right up in my face, causing me to recoil and go "Wtf!?!" again.

I look more closely.

I see this:







I'm sure by now, you've realized what kinda smelly stick that is. She points to it and says,



 "That means you're a daddy!"



I grab her, yank her down on the bed, and call her "mama" until she starts sniffling.



I guess three times a day for two months will get you there, huh? Who needs a thermometer, anyway. Pfffft.



Now begins the reign of the OMGWTF.



[*Read her side of the story here!*]

An Awesome Customer Service Experience.

Today, I went to work.



Most of you did the same thing.



Some of you did just as much work, but at home.



Whatever.



ALL of you know what I mean when I say that most people in stores absolutely suck. They're depressing, disinterested, bummed out, unmotivated, and don't give a shit if you ARE the customer, because you're interrupting their OBVIOUSLY more important... whatever it is they do.



I work in a store. Because I also shop in stores, I have made it my personal mission in life not to be like those people.



So, I greet people. I say things like "How are you today?" and "Are you finding everything you need?" and "Good to see you again!"



I try to answer people's questions - even if I don't know the answer, I can usually find out - and I don't mind walking a customer to a product, if I'm not actually carrying something heavy at the time.



All of which usually passes unremarked, because people up here are less demonstrative than in the south, but every once in a while you get someone at just the right time and can just make their day, and sometimes that can make yours.



That happened to me today.



I was at work, straightening displays, stocking shelves, you know the retail drill. I hear someone come up, so I turn around, and notice Grizzled Biker Dude, complete with Grizzled Biker Chick. Angry-looking, shuttered faces, screwed up in scowls like they just bit into something sour. Grizzled Biker Dude in particular looks like he wants to hit something. They are glaring unhappily at the displays, obviously not finding what they want, so I stroll over - I'm from the South, we don't hurry - and say, "Can I help you folks find something?"



Grizzled Biker Dude says: "Grrmmmmph."



Grizzled Biker Chick says *glare* "We're looking for *insert product name* and we need several, but we can't find it."



So I take them to it, and they needed more, so I went and got them more from the back. They started discussing what to do next, so I ask: "Can I help you folks with anything else while I'm here?"



They hem and haw, during which I take off my hat to scratch my head.



Good timing, that; GBD says "That's a service haircut."



Yep, sure is. "Yes, sir, I was in the Army."



GBD: "What outfit?"



"The 82nd Airborne."



GBD: "How long were you in?"



"4 years, and then I went home."



GBD: "I put 20 years in the Navy."



"Well, that'll let you see the world, won't it?"



GBD: "Hah! That's for sure."



GBC broke in to ask why I got out, and I figured in for a penny, in for a pound, so I said:



"Well, ma'am, after I got sent to Kosovo, I realized that WE knew what we were there for, but the rest of the country didn't, and didn't care if we won or lost, or even bothered, so when it came time I went home. I figure if they ever have a war they want to win they can call me, but until then I have a wife."



GBD said "They did that same silly shit in Vietnam."



I said "And a damn shame it was, too."



We all kinda stood there for a second, and then the GBC started making that "we've-been-talking-boy-talk-too-long-so-we're-leaving-now" head jerk, and I asked if there was anything else I could find for them.



GBC said no, but GBD looked at me, all steely-eyed, and said "Son, we're lucky to have you here." And shook my hand.



Goddamn if that didn't make my day. I sure hope I made theirs.

Oh, Shit, We're Busted! Film At 11!

You may remember my ranting a while back about VNRs on Xeno's Paradox.



For those of you who don't, a VNR (Video News Release) is what I like to call "fake news." It's a video segment produced by the government / a big company / someone with something to spin containing actors pretending to be real reporters, which is given for free to the TV stations, who then air it uncut, and unedited, in fact often without even telling you that it's not news, but in fact propaganda.



Those of you who DO remember might also remember me saying on here that as many as 77 stations had been caught doing this.



Well, the bill appears to be coming due for those stations; the FCC is getting into the act, sending letters of inquiry to the owners of all 77 offending stations known so far to be using VNRs without disclosure.



You may not have known this, but there's actually a rule that says that when a station airs a VNR, they are required to disclose what it is, who made it, and who paid for it to the viewer.



And they're breaking it. And the FCC is pissed. REALLY, REALLY pissed - they're threatening license revocations unless the stations provide proof that they haven't violated the rules vis - a - vis VNRs.



Excuse me while I go laugh myself sick.

The Unkindest Cut Of All

...is when you're married to one of the world's hottest women, you get divorced, and then she goes to the world and says:

Nick didn't pack too well if you know what I mean, but I got over it.

Yes, that's right, folks, Jessica Simpson, famously hot "celebrity," officially told the world that Nick Lachey has no dick.



She continued by saying:

Nick's small package was a problem sometimes, like the first time we had sex, to tell you the truth, I didn't really feel much, I faked the whole thing, I really felt sorry for him, I still loved him though.

On behalf of all other men, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!



Oh, and by the way: for all you non-married types, and I guess the swingers, this means that whoever can convince her to give it a try next will have a walkover showing her he's Better Than What's Gone Before, hmmm?



I just have to say, that's cold, but funny as hell.



Although I will admit, it may just be that she's pissed that Nick said he'd rather spend time with Satan than with her daddy.

My Newest Hero: Hazleton, PA

The town of Hazleton, PA is in battle in court over something I think regular readers of my anger-driven screed will recognize as one of my pet issues: illegal immigration.



[*Edited to add: Bill not only caught my initial error in leaving out the link to the actual article, but also added an article with much more information about events than I had originally bothered with. Go Bill! Here's his link.]



See, Hazleton has passed a local ordinance denying business permits to businesses which hire illegal immigrants, fining landlords who rent to them, and declaring English the official language of the town.



Of course, immigrant groups are screaming: "They're criminalizing us!!" (You're already a criminal, chief; that's why they call it ILLEGAL immigration.) "They're discriminating against people who break the law!" (Well, at least they're just sending you home. Everyone else who breaks the law in this country goes to PRISON.) "They're being mean!" (So, who cares if they're mean to criminals?)



Anyway, they're suing the town of Hazleton to force them to rescind the ordinance. The mayor of Hazleton, Lou Barletta, is certain that the ordinance will stand up in court, and went on to say:

We're not going to be bullied,

adding that the city council is prepared to take the case to the Supreme Court if need be.



Mr. Barletta, you and your city council are among the few, the proud, the politicians of the last 15 years that have done something right. Congratulations!

Best Headline Today, And Then Some.

Just click here.



Trust me, you will laugh.



Of course, _I_ would find this story.

Because When You Try This You'll Know Why I Blogged It...

... Go to Google.



Type in "failure" and hit Enter.



Click on the first result.



ROFL.



Yeah, it's for real. I could go all analytical on it and show how that happened, but it's friggin' funny.



Now, how did I hear about this?



I'll just tell you, why don't I?



Wendy, comedienne extraordinaire, has a daughter, Krista, who is about to go to college, and was working on her financial aid, for which they wanted her to write an essay.



Wendy was talking to me, when she hears a desperate cry for help from the other room. "MOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM! Are you done yet? I need help here!"



So, off she went.



An hour or so later, she comes back on, and relates the following:

WENDY: Krista was screaming that this essay would make her a failure 

xenodox: hehe i asked tara if there was anything she wanted to say and she 

shrugged and waved her hands around in the air and said "i don't know? how are you?" 

WENDY: that she'd be defined as FAILUR 

xenodox: LMFAO 

WENDY: E 

WENDY: so i said you will not be a failure 

WENDY: she said yep. I will. 

WENDY: I said no one will ever type Failure in google and get Krista 

xenodox: you can tell her i said "i don't think an essay can make you george bush.

especially since he's a monkey, and you're obviously not a monkey." 

WENDY: so she *being an imp* did the search 

xenodox: lmfao 

WENDY: and said Yep. I'm going to become the President 

xenodox: well, i suppose that 

xenodox: 's 

xenodox: one way to look at it 

I did change Wendy's ID, as she may not want all and sundry pesting her on Messenger, and if you want to pest her, you can go to her 360 page and do it yourself; I won't help.



So, anyway, that's the story: Future College Girl Drama Queen searches for "her future," and finds the President. Funny? Yes. Ominous Foreshadowing? Possibly. You decide.

Now THAT'S What I Call "An Immersive Music Experience."

Does anyone remember the iMac?



You know, that computer from Apple that looked like a half grapefruit with a lampshade on top that came in funny colors and was never upgradeable, ever?



Well, even if you don't, do you remember the ADS for that?



Well, back in the day when that was new, some witty gentleman concocted a parody of their overblown, trippy advertising. He called it the "iBrator." And here it is:




\r\nAnyway, following good ideas seems to be a specialty of the companies that accessorize for the Apple iPod.
\r\n
\r\nI hereby present to you, without further ado, the "OhMiBod" iPod vibrator. The world's first and so far only vibrator that synchronizes its vibration to your music playlist, by hooking it to your iPod. It has what the website quaintly refers to as "acsexories." It runs off two AA batteries, and their website lets you share playlists for use with it over iTunes.
\r\n
\r\nGo get 'em, girls! It's only - wait for it - $69.
\r\n
\r\n

I Just Read A Fucked Up Story...

...Accurately entitled "The Most Disturbing Conversation Ever."



I am going to give a warning or three, and then link it.



First warning: if you are male, you almost certainly should not read this. _I_ thought it was fucking hilarious, but then, I am one sick bastard, as anyone familiar with me should damn well know.



Second warning: If you are a virgin, or under the age of 18, you should DEFINITELY not read this. It's not for the faint of heart, folks. I mean it. Worse than KJ's Butthole Beer. I promise.



Third and final warning: REALLY, IF YOU ARE MALE, DON'T READ THIS. IT WILL VIRTUALLY CERTAINLY FUCK YOU UP.



Women will most likely laugh their asses off.



As I said, I thought it was very, very funny, but then, you may have noticed I have a huge, bloated ego and greater self-confidence than any five people need, and therefore am not in the least disturbed by the events described in the story. Plus, I'm ALREADY AFU, so what's one more bit?



Anyway, without further ado: Tucker Max presents "The Most Disturbing Conversation Ever."

YET MORE Evidence Of Media Complicity With Hezbollah...

Since that seems to be pretty much all that's going on today.



This is a transcript of a CNN program called "Reliable Sources," which aired August 6th at 10 AM Eastern.



The best part of the program, for me,  was this segment:

KURTZ: Richard Engel in Lebanon, let's talk a little bit about your efforts to cover Hezbollah. Have you had instances in which Hezbollah guerillas have tried to interfere with your reporting?



ENGEL: Yes and no; and the reason I'm giving you that answer is that until now Hezbollah has been very difficult to cover. We've come into town several times and only found Hezbollah fighters. They don't want to be on film. They will talk to us off camera, but when the cameras come out they suddenly go quiet.



They've not tried to stop us filming other events while we're in the field, but they have, on several occasions, threatened reporters here in Tyre, south Lebanon. From the location where we're standing right now, we've been able to see, today and on other days, outgoing Katyusha rockets. And on more than one occasion people from Hezbollah have come and said, "Do not film the locations of these rockets when they're being launched."



At one time, when we were talking and having a conversation with this Hezbollah representative, he said, "Look, we're serious, we will kill you if you film these outgoing rockets." So it is a threat, but when we've been out in the field, we've not had situations where they told us to stop filming.



KURTZ: You, like other correspondents, a couple of weeks ago got a guided tour of one of the bomb-damaged areas of Lebanon by Hezbollah people. My question is when something like that happens, do you feel used at all? And how much responsibility do you have to tell the viewers that we're operating under very tight restrictions here, folks. We can't just go into any building and investigate for ourselves their claims that these are purely civilian areas?



ENGEL: I think it is clear that we have a lot of freedom, certainly much more than we do in Baghdad. We can go to the front line villages. In that report you aired a clip from, earlier today, we organized a convoy, reporters did, and slipped behind the Israeli front line. And we were hearing the artillery being fired from Israel into Lebanon, going over our heads.



So we have a great deal of mobility, but it is difficult to report on Hezbollah. There are certain restrictions that they put on us, particularly about filming the outgoing Katyusha rockets. And there's obviously the dangers; it would not be wise to try and join up with the Hezbollah unit, or watch them launch rockets, or to just rush into any of these frontline villages. So we have to be careful.



We hear reports all of the time about families trapped in a house that collapsed on them in a village, where the fighting is underway, in this area where Israel and Lebanon are fighting over a buffer zone. But just to go into the middle of the night and try and verify that would be very difficult.



So I don't think that the restraints or our inability because of the danger, or anything at this stage, that would require us to put serious qualifications on our reporting, but we have been able to move around quite a bit, but there obviously are dangers and risks like any frontline environment.

So, best quotes?



"Look, we're serious, we will kill you if you film these outgoing rockets."



" I think it is clear that we have a lot of freedom, certainly much more than we do in Baghdad."



Clearly. You have near-infinite freedom to report anything that makes Hezbollah look good. But the sight of them firing rockets at Israeli civilians, noooooo, can't show that, because then it might remind people that YOU'RE WALKING AROUND WITH COWARDLY, MURDERING BARBARIAN PSYCHOPATHS.



We of course cannot have that.



Good to see that CNN is a bastion of journalistic integrity, truth, and honesty.



And then they wonder why people - far more than watch CNN, by the way - watch FOX News Channel.



Easy; it's to get a break from the utterly predictable claptrap the lefties in charge of practically all other media outlets present. FOX is blatantly right-winger, and that's exactly their appeal. Most people, like I do, look at both sets of lies and figure that the truth is likely somewhere in the middle.



This is sort of the same reason that the Nintendo Wii is going to be the big winner in the next generation of home gaming consoles. If there's a ton of first-line consoles, and only one that you buy as a second system, ultimately a lot more people will own Wiis than will own either PS3 or XBOX360.



Since FOX is the ONLY defiantly right-wing news source, everyone that wants to hear a different perspective goes to them - which means that they get more viewers than all the others combined.



It's too bad that there's not a news station any more. All we have now is politically biased "infotainment," and that's a recipe for disaster.



YOU JOURNOS ARE SUPPOSED TO REPORT THE FUCKING FACTS. EDITORIALIZING BELONGS IN EDITORIALS, NOT NEWS BROADCASTS.



You stupid assholes are traitors to America for supporting the enemy, and ought to be sent to live with them permanently.

More Evidence Of Media Complicity With Hezbollah...

...As though anyone really needed any.



It turns out that things are even worse than I knew.



Not only did Reuters employ a photographer who photoshopped his pictures to make them look worse, but EVEN SOME OF THE PHOTOS I POSTED HERE were staged and misleading.



In particular, the image of a man holding an AK-47 pointed towards a fire - which I took with the Reuters caption that he was guarding a site of an Israeli raid.



Specifically, it was only an Israeli raid if the IDF is attacking junkyards. That's not a raid, or a bombing run; it's a TIRE FIRE.



There's an excellent breakdown on the Reuters situation here. Yes, Bill, I know, it's a "dot-com" posting, but that doesn't mean they're wrong. Especially since the AP is smelling blood in the water, and their reporters are starting to cover Reuters' imminent downfall.



The same blogger who brought down Dan Rather, the estimable Charles Johnson of Little Green Footballs, was the one who caught the Reuters photographer, Adnan Hajj, displaying his mad Photoshopping Skillz. I don't know if that establishes his bona fides enough for you to take him seriously, but I'd give his evidence a very, very serious look.



Here is Doss' breakdown of Reuters' biased captioning in action.



Here's Michelle Malkin's take on events.



The New York Times predictably is soft-pedaling for all it's worth. This should come as no surprise, since some of their own photos are among those found to have been staged. Busted, byatch!



The New York Sun, on the other hand, acknowledges that NINE HUNDRED TWENTY pictures have been faked, staged, 'shopped, or otherwise fucked with.



Investor's Business Daily is getting its licks in - Reuters has not been kind to them in the past.



EVEN THE CHRISTIAN SCIENCE MONITOR can report more honestly than Reuters, apparently.



See, here's the thing, Reuters. If you didn't catch it with the faked National Guard documents that led to Dan Rather's dismissal, bloggers are here.



We're smart, cynical, skeptical, and we're watching you.



So don't fuck up.

Holy Crap, Dude,

Best Office Prank, Evar!!



That is all.

A Sad Day For Truth, Victory For Truthiness.

In recent weeks, world events have been scary. The economy is going bad, or it isn't; the climate is going bad, or it isn't; the world ecology is falling apart, or it isn't; the only thing that seems certain these days is that people aren't certain about anything anymore.

But there are some things they should be certain about.

Some of those things are happening in the Middle East, and some right within our own borders.

But we should damn well be certain what they are, and what they mean.

To begin, there are many groups, factions if you will, in power in various places in the Middle East. Hamas, in control of the Palestinians, and Hezbollah, controlling a vast portion of Lebanon, are only two of the many groups in power over there.

One unifying fact is that they all, invariably, hate the U.S.

We'll come back to this.

They also hate Israel. But let's be clear about the dishonesty of their leadership before we begin. The Palestinians claim, loudly, that the Israelis displaced them from "their" land. This is not true. The Palestinians now committing violence against the Israelis were in fact expelled from Jordan by its king, after they attempted to overthrow him. With their ACTUAL nation having exiled them, they traveled to the West Bank, where they began trying to drive the Israelis out, and they've never stopped.

Repeatedly, HAMAS has committed horrible acts of violence against Israeli civilians.

Repeatedly, despite the world's attempts to portray them in a positive light (more on that later too,) HAMAS has defied the media and defiantly announced their intent to destroy the nation of Israel.

In fact, it's in their charter:

Israel will exist and will continue to exist until Islam will obliterate it, just as it obliterated others before it.

and

There is no solution for the Palestinian question except through Jihad. Initiatives, proposals and international conferences are all a waste of time and vain endeavors.

and

Arab countries surrounding Israel are asked to open their borders before the fighters from among the Arab and Islamic nations so that they could consolidate their efforts with those of their Moslem brethren in Palestine.

As for the other Arab and Islamic countries, they are asked to facilitate the movement of the fighters from and to it, and this is the least thing they could do.

Now that spells out a recipe for violence. Especially since they say in their charter that they consider any negotiation with the international community to be a waste of time. Good luck over there, Dr. Rice.

Hezbollah is just as bad; their agenda calls for:

We see in Israel the vanguard of the United States in our Islamic world. It is the hated enemy that must be fought until the hated ones get what they deserve. This enemy is the greatest danger to our future generations and to the destiny of our lands, particularly as it glorifies the ideas of settlement and expansion, initiated in Palestine, and yearning outward to the extension of the Great Israel, from the Euphrates to the Nile.

Our primary assumption in our fight against Israel states that the Zionist entity is aggressive from its inception, and built on lands wrested from their owners, at the expense of the rights of the Muslim people. Therefore our struggle will end only when this entity is obliterated. We recognize no treaty with it, no cease fire, and no peace agreements, whether separate or consolidated.

We vigorously condemn all plans for negotiation with Israel, and regard all negotiators as enemies, for the reason that such negotiation is nothing but the recognition of the legitimacy of the Zionist occupation of Palestine. Therefore we oppose and reject the Camp David Agreements, the proposals of King Fahd, the Fez and Reagan plan, Brezhnev's and the French-Egyptian proposals, and all other programs that include the recognition (even the implied recognition) of the Zionist entity.

But they're not alone. Repeatedly, the American media, and to a lesser extent, the world's media, not only refuses to name these groups the terrorists and criminals, the murderous barbarians, that they in fact are; no, the media does worse than this, and tries incessantly to portray them as heroic freedom fighters.

Some few of the media are becoming aware that the terrorists are capitalizing on their willingness to collaborate; Reuters just fired a Lebanese photographer for Photoshopping a picture he submitted which purported to be an aerial photo of Beirut after an Israeli raid. He had added more smoke and generally "touched up" the photo to make it look as though the Israelis had done more damage than they in fact had, and this is typical of the media's efforts.

Take, for example, the recent coverage of the raid on the village of Qana; despite the now overwhelming evidence that the so-called "massacre" was in fact staged by Hezbollah, the media has ignored evidence to the contrary, and in many cases continued to report the "news" of the "massacre" at Qana, because they feel like something like that must have happened somewhere, anyway, despite there being no evidence whatsoever.

The media has also loudly and publically proclaimed our desperate, crying need to go home from Iraq, despite those with brains telling the world over and over that retreat equates to cowardice in the eyes of those we fight. Maybe you don't believe the world's leaders; fine. You're not obligated to.

Maybe you'd believe Osama bin Laden, instead, when he said in 1996 that:

Few days ago the news agencies had reported that the Defence Secretary of the Crusading Americans had said that "the explosion at Riyadh and Al-Khobar had taught him one lesson: that is not to withdraw when attacked by coward terrorists".

We say to the Defence Secretary that his talk can induce a grieving mother to laughter! and shows the fears that had enshrined you all. Where was this false courage of yours when the explosion in Beirut took place on 1983 AD (1403 A.H). You were turned into scattered pits and pieces at that time; 241 mainly marines solders were killed. And where was this courage of yours when two explosions made you to leave Aden in lees than twenty four hours!

But your most disgraceful case was in Somalia; where- after vigorous propaganda about the power of the USA and its post cold war leadership of the new world order- you moved tens of thousands of international force, including twenty eight thousands American solders into Somalia. However, when tens of your solders were killed in minor battles and one American Pilot was dragged in the streets of Mogadishu you left the area carrying disappointment, humiliation, defeat and your dead with you. Clinton appeared in front of the whole world threatening and promising revenge , but these threats were merely a preparation for withdrawal. You have been disgraced by Allah and you withdrew; the extent of your impotence and weaknesses became very clear. It was a pleasure for the "heart" of every Muslim and a remedy to the "chests" of believing nations to see you defeated in the three Islamic cities of Beirut , Aden and Mogadishu.

That's right. Bin Laden claims that Clinton ran like a cowardly pussy. I've said that before, but since only the mouthings of our enemies seem to have any validity in the eyes and ears of the world's media, maybe this time it'll soak in.
But that wasn't all he had to say. In 1998, again during he Clinton Administration, bin Laden published another fatwa, exhorting the Middle East to rise up in jihad:

We -- with God's help -- call on every Muslim who believes in God and wishes to be rewarded to comply with God's order to kill the Americans and plunder their money wherever and whenever they find it. We also call on Muslim ulema, leaders, youths, and soldiers to launch the raid on Satan's U.S. troops and the devil's supporters allying with them, and to displace those who are behind them so that they may learn a lesson.

Oh, yes, we knew bin Laden was coming. It was just that our then-President was a coward, and ran from battle; he was so determined to avoid it that he bankrupted our nation's honor for all the world to see, despite the presence of a determined enemy who had attacked us repeatedly.

And yet we laud that President, and treat him as though he deserves our respect.

Why should this surprise? In this day and age of complete, nightmarish denial of reality, the Deputy Secretary General of the United Nations tells the world that rather than treating Hezbollah as the disgusting, cowardly barbarians they are, despite their repeated violations of the Law of War, we must treat them with respect.

Thankfully, despite the tide of support for the enemies of civilization by the majority of our media, there are still those with good sense. Charles Krauthammer published a great column about the current conflict, as did Victor Davis Hansen. So did Vin Surprynowicz. All three are good, and important, reading; all three will no doubt get ignored.

We persist in lambasting Israel for their use of "disproportionate force" against Hezbollah, to the exclusion of all good sense. YET WHEN HEZBOLLAH SHELLS THE LOCAL U.N. HEADQUARTERS, NOTHING IS SAID. (Look at the bottom of the page in "other developments.") Why?

The Lebanese admit that they lie about casualty figures, yet the world ignores it. Why?

Iran has given up its last traces of sanity; they've announced that any attempt by the international community to slow their nuclear program will result in the immediate execution of all political prisoners; they've released one prisoner - Osama bin Laden's oldest son, previously held as a bargaining piece, and sent him to Lebanon to help Hezbollah fight Israel; they've admitted that they are supplying the missiles that Hezbollah hides in civilian buildings and fires at Israeli civilians; and yet the world press gives them a pass, as though they don't mean it. Why?

Because we in the West, and indeed in most of the civilized nations throughout the world, are unwilling to admit a desperate, hateful truth when it is staring us right in the face. Well, fuck it. I will.

ISLAM is the aggressor here. Despite the constant media apologizing on their behalf, there is no gratitude from Islamic nations for our aid; there is only despite. They name us "The Great Satan," and eagerly assist one another in their endless quest to do violence against anyone who disagrees with them. They migrate to countries like Britain and France, and then use those populations to do violence against the native citizenry, in response to "offenses" often imaginary in nature. They are involved in more armed conflicts at this time than any other group in the history of the world, and yet we persist in apologizing for them.

"The religion of Islam is not at fault, it is the action of a few extremists."

You've heard that before, haven't you.

Repeatedly. Because we in the civilized nations of the world are so averse to the notion that a religion can be at fault, so terrified at the notion of prejudice, so distraught over the idea that someone's feelings might get hurt, that we've forgotten that the other team does not necessarily agree with us about that. And they have PR teams, too.

Islam preaches violence against heretics.

Islam preaches that a warrior who dies fighting the infidel is guaranteed a seat at the right hand of God.

These are not statements of a peaceful religion.

The world burst into flames a while back as demonstrations, rioting, arson, murder, kidnapping, and vandalism took place in dozens of nations because a newspaper published a CARTOON.

This is not the action of a peaceful religion.

Even CHILDREN'S TELEVISION programs in countries not currently involved in armed conflict are used for indoctrination in hatred.

This is not the act of a peaceful religion.

Islamic nations and organizations openly announce their intent to destroy our way of life and replace it with Islam, and we allow it to continue because we are afraid to name our enemy, lest we be accused of prejudice and oppression.

We've forgotten a simple truth: some things ought to be oppressed.

Sadly, we are fast approaching a time when that truth will be unavoidable, and our media are helping the enemy.

Facts are incredibly difficult to come by; the media lies openly, and then refuses to report the story when they are proved to have been mistaken. A perfect example of this kind of fingers-in-the-ears, "la-la-la-la-la" journalism, is the "WMDs In Iraq" saga. Despite the fact that we have FOUND, I repeat, FOUND, over 500 of them, and there are numerous eyewitness reports that the major stockpiles were moved to Syria before the U. S. invasion, numerous reports, the media persists in asserting, repeatedly, that it didn't happen.

For once, let's call things by their proper name. We are in a cultural war, this time; one that is fought not on a single battlefield, but one that is fought globally, as the forces arrayed against us use the naivete of our own journalists to spread their propaganda. Just like Chamberlain in Munich, our journalists are eager to give away all that makes us American in an effort to appease those enemies, and in the process they are damaging our reputation, and our honor, for all the world to see.

I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but I'll do it if I have to.

Islam has arrayed itself as our enemy. It is not a matter of whether or not the religion is inherently evil; I'm perfectly willing to accept the proposition that it is not, provided someone can give me some actual evidence that this is so. It's irrelevant; the fact is that the leaders of Islamic countries believe themselves to be our enemies, and this makes it fact.

As I've said before, if there are in fact the oft-ballyhooed "peaceful majorities," then why haven't they stopped this perversion of their religion?

Simple. It isn't one. And that's the ugly truth at the end of the day: in order to protect our civilization, we may have to resort to measures long removed from our society because they were thought too liable for abuse to use: namely, destruction of nations, and with them, their perverted creed. There is no moral equivalence between a nation which sends uniformed troops, in organized fashion, into a city from whence they have been shelled repeatedly to remove or destroy the source of the shelling, and a group whose masked members behead innocent bystanders on video as a means of weakening the wills of those who resist them. One is a nation, acting in accordance with its moral imperative to defend its citizens and international law; the other is a group of lawless, murdering barbarians, and should be treated as mad dogs have been traditionally treated: with death.

You Were Warned:

And now my no doubt HIGHLY OFFENSIVE post about the Middle East, and the situation over there, is live.



You can read it here.



I don't trust 360's feed control to actually update anytime soon, so there you go.



You should know that I have, and will continue to, come right out and said what no-one else is willing to commit themselves to, and you will no doubt knee-jerk that I am an evil person and should be shunned.



I don't care.



If you want to comment, in Blogger (which I prefer, as that's where the article is,) or here, if you're more comfortable with 360, go right ahead.



If you comment in Blogger it may take a bit for your comments to appear, as I have to accept them. I will do so, regardless of what you post; this is just to keep out spammers, which I noticed quite a bit when I first started blogging there.



I'm sure most of the people who read this article will fire off responses without actually thinking about the things I said; this is sad, but common.



I really wish you'd think about it, though. I would be glad to clarify, if you think I wasn't clear enough, although I hardly think that will be a concern. I just want you to THINK. Read what I said, and THINK about it, with your brain.



This is not a time for "truthiness" to be ahead. Colbert is right when he points out that today's media is all about the presentation, and never mind the content.



This should not be the case. The message should BE the presentation. The FACTS should outweigh the opinions. Always.



I have tried to present those facts. I hope I did a good job.





{*Edit to add: just a few minutes ago I took a look at the entry in passing, on my way to do some minor template shuffling in Blogger, and went "OMGWTF?!?" Because Blogger apparently changed my "<strong>" and "<em>" tags into "<span style="font-style:bold;">" and "<span style="font-style:italic;">" tags, which caused my post synopsis links ("<span class="fullpost"> </span>" ) to asplode, causing the article to eviscerate itself and completely obliterate several of my points, unless you actually read to the bottom and clicked the "Read more" link, which since it posted what looked like the whole thing on the front page, no-one had any reason to do. This is now fixed, and everything looks like I wanted it to. So, if you read it before I posted this edit, please take a second look - there really was more there, I promise. It's fixed now.*}

Dear Entertainment Weekly:

STFU.



No, really.



Shut the fuck up.



Those of you not working for EW and reading this may wonder why: well, I'll tell you.



Because EW has seen fit to tell Vince Vaughn, Will Farrell, and Owen Wilson - by name, although they also refer to "Men of Hollywood" - to quit being funny and grow up.



You know by now I never kid.



Here's a hint, EW: they sell millions and millions of tickets, to movie after movie. Obviously, the fans ENJOY their silliness and refusal to grow up. As long as they continue to sell millions and millions of tickets, Hollywood enjoys that, too.



Since I don't see you selling millions and millions of tickets to anything, and have seen absolutely nothing of yours to compare with Anchorman, as an example, I hereby tell you to cram this up your ass sideways, and then die in a fire.

Just In Case Anyone Was Curious...

...about why I haven't been writing more extensively about Israel, Hamas, Hezbollah, Iran, Syria, and the general melee going on over there, there's a simple reason.



Because I want to rant at length. While I post diatribes about similar topics on a frequent basis on here, I try to keep it short, and this is a discussion which deserves the full treatment, so (hopefully tomorrow night, but we'll see) it will go up on Xeno's Paradox instead.



I was gonna just do another little rant, but then I started doing research - never a good idea - and came up with a wealth of material, so it's gonna go there instead of here.



Plus, I'm more comfortable with Blogger's interface anyway; it doesn't edit my HTML, which is nice.



This means that it's not as newbie-friendly as Yahoo! 360,  but the other side of that is it doesn't insert hundreds of random links out of nowhere that it won't allow me to remove, either.



It also makes permanent links out of post titles, rather than a long-ass string of crazy alphanumeric hash that you cannot possibly remember. It also allows better template customization - look at mine, and then look at CSC's page to get what I mean.



Anyway, so, hopefully sometime tomorrow there will be a huge entry over at XP about the Middle East; since 360 is feed retarded, I will blog the fact that I put it up over there. I wish I could rely on 360 to actually update my feeds, but 360 still insists that my last entry over on Xeno's Guide was about Underworld: Evolution, which was back in April.



This, of course, leaves out my entry on Silent Hill, the one on V For Vendetta, my first mention of Snakes On A Plane, not to be confused with my much more controversy-inspiring second mention, and my review of Suicide Circle. None of these show on 360 at all.

So, There&#39;s This Crazy Guy...

...In North Korea, who is spending literally billions of dollars on nuclear weapons, with the stated intent and purpose of overthrowing the government in South Korea and attacking his neighbors, including China and Japan.



You may have heard of him.



His name is Kim Jong-Il.



Just recently, North Korea has experienced flooding and storms so severe that basically their entire rice crop of this year is destroyed; the U.N. estimates upwards of 60,000 people are homeless, and people are starving left and right.



So, the natural thing to do is to go, hat in hand, to their neighbors to the south, the ones they've threatened with nuclear weapons, and say "Please, Mr. Capitalist, give us 500,000 TONS of rice so our people don't starve. But shut up about the nukes, already."



Think I'm kidding?



I never kid.



Seriously, North Korea has already rejected the U. N.'s offer of food aid; apparently the fact that the U. N.'s toothless ass wants the North Koreans to return to the negotiating table about the nukes was just far, far more important than the lives of their citizens.



At any rate, they're pestering the South Koreans now. The sad part? Want to bet that the South Koreans go ahead and give them the chow?



HOW LONG ARE THE WORLD'S FREE SOCIETIES GOING TO CONTINUE PROPPING UP THESE CORRUPT REGIMES?



Seriously, folks, if someone's threatening nuclear war, they ought not to get food, financial aid, or even a market share. Fuck sanctions; they never work. I'm talking about total embargo - no chow, no money, no nothing, in or out. If they're self-sufficient enough that, as the North Koreans so often remind us, they don't need the products of our corrupt capitalism, let them go six months or a year without hem, and see how they like it.



And if you want to prate on about the starving, suffering masses, allow me to remind you that they are starving because they APPROVE of their leaders' actions. If they didn't, I assure you that hunger is a sufficient motivator to incite revolution.

North Vs. South, City Vs. Country

Let me say first, before I begin this, that I like it in Pennsylvania. It's a nice place to live, and I can certainly understand why people enjoy living here.



But it's not the same as living in Texas.



There's differences, you know. Not GOOD or BAD, just DIFFERENT.



To give you a little background, although the last few years I've been a gypsy, I was born and raised in Houston, Texas, which is the third or fourth - depending on who you ask - biggest city in the country. Metropolitan area population: 5,280,077.



I'm now living in Port Royal, Pennsylvania. Borough population: 977.



Liiiiiiiiittle bit of a change, there.



So:

North Vs. South.

1. North: Philly cheese steaks, which you can't get in the South, because they don't even sell the INGREDIENTS in the South.
2. South: Chicken Fried Steak. Proper Tex-Mex. The Bellaire Broiler Burger. (Shitty website, but possibly the best hamburgers on the PLANET. CSC will vouch for this.) Whataburger, for when you can't go to Broiler Burger.
   
   
3. North: Drivers tailgate like it was the national sport, drive with their high beams on ALL THE TIME, and generally act like asshats on the road.
4. South: Drivers tailgate like it was the national sport, drive either 5 mph above, or 15 below, the speed limit, and generally act like asshats on the road.
5. North: Dude, it fuckin' snows here, man.
6. South: WTF is this white shit coming from the friggin' sky?
7. North: Weis Markets, Giant, Mr. Z's, Aldi.
8. South: Randall's, Safeway, FIESTA.
9. North: salt trucks in winter. And plows. Don't forget the plows.
10. South: Flash floods and hurricanes.
11. North: OMG HURRY UP!!!
12. South: Dude, relax.
13. North: Shocked surprise upon utterance of the phrase "Good Morning!"
14. South: "That rude bastard didn't even say 'Good Morning!'"
    
    

I honestly have to give the South the edge on food, and grocery stores - the first time a restaurant up here gave me a "quesadilla" I almost laughed myself sick. The cheese steaks up here are the bomb diggetty, I admit, but one sandwich doesn't make up for the inexplicable total lack of decent Tex-Mex. At this point, I would settle for Chili's.



FIESTA has any grocery store north of the Mason-Dixon Line whupped all to hell and gone. Seriously. Get on the ball, people! You can do better!



I have to give the North the edge on climate, though, no joke. First, there's seasons up here, which was something I had to get explained to me, since I'd never seen them before. Second, there's a part of the year when it gets COLD, which - snow isn't THAT friggin' hard to drive on, you pussies - is a helluva break from what Houston usually has. You know, Summer, and the other two weeks. Plus, no hurricanes, and no flash floods - and anyone who thinks there are flash floods up here hasn't ever seen one - the climate is a dozen times better up here.



Oddly, for some reason people here seem determined to inform me of how hot it is. A lot. "OMG, we're gonna die, it's SO HOT." I'm like "Um, I'm from Houston." "Oh, my bad."



The dew point in Houston right now is 14 degrees higher than in Port Royal. Port Royal rocks.



Drivers are pretty much fucked everywhere. I'm convinced that it's a conspiracy - the government has a secret fleet of 18-wheelers kitted out to look like delivery trucks for major retailers that they use to follow me around, radioing ahead so that they can unload their horrifying cargo of world-class terrible drivers regardless of my actual location.



Attitude... is a little different. People here are always in such a hurry, even though we're out in the country. I'm not; I'm used to a bit slower pace, you know? Nothing wrong with taking your time. Seriously, the world will not collapse into oblivion if you fail to speed the ENTIRE way there. This doesn't mean I can't be hyperactive - feed me caffeine and I go wild - but that's not really my natural state. SARCASTIC, yes, but HURRIED, nope.



The first few months that I worked at my current job, I got the oddest looks from people. Not because I'm funny-looking - although I am - but because I greet customers. "Hi! How are you today?" gets you a look like you just shit on the carpet. "Good Morning!" can actually draw profanity. Down South, it's the exact opposite: if you ignore customers, they think you're a jackass. Now people around here are starting to get used to me - they don't jump quite as high when I say "Hello!" as they used to - but I think they just tell each other, "See? I told you he says 'Good Morning!'"



This doesn't mean people up here are unfriendly, though. Far from it. They will include you in their conversations if you're as far as a block away. You can tell, not because your name is called, but because you can hear every word quite clearly. People here like to share.



When CSC first moved to Houston, I used to shush her quite often as we would walk down the sidewalk and she would blare at me like a foghorn from two feet away. She comes by it honestly; people here are damn noisy. She didn't really believe that until after 3 years of Houston, we moved back up here, and were able to hear and understand a random conversation - from inside our apartment - that was taking place across the street in front of the bank. She said "OMGWTF?!?" and I said "YOU SEE?!?"



City Vs. Country:

1. City: There are tons of phone companies; tons of cable companies, and a plethora of broadband internet providers.
2. Country: I hope you like Embarq - they're the only phone company that serves this borough. There's one cable company, and you can get broadband from one or the other.
3. City: You never see the same people twice.
4. Country: A few weeks after I started at my current job, we got a phone call, and I answered. "Dave speaking, can I help you?" The person on the other end says "Is this the Dave who lives across from the bank in Port Royal?" Why yes, yes it is, but OMG.
5. City: You have either a driveway, or assigned parking.
6. Country: If you're in Mifflintown you have a meter. Port Royal, pretty much you just park on the side of the street.
7. City: No Amish.
8. Country: Amish.
9. City: Wiiiiiiiiide variety of produce.
10. Country: Fressssssssssshh variety of produce.
11. City: Mass Transit.
12. Country: Riding tractors on the highway.  Often drunk, and racing against other tractors.
13. City: Too many civil servants, not enough civil services.
14. Country: Too many civil services, not enough civil servants.
    
    

Again, a little different.



City definitely has the edge in utility choices, but since all the companies suck, and try to screw you, that's not that big a deal. Here there's only one of each, but you get treated just the same as you would in the city.



People recognize you, quickly, in small towns. I will probably be "that new guy" for a lonnnnng time, but just about everybody knows who I am. In Houston things are more courteous  in terms of greetings and whatnot, but at the same time more anonymous, and kind of disposable - you don't have to pay all THAT much attention to whoever you're dealing with, because you'll never see them again. Here, you're nice to the customers, because if you're not, they'll tell your aunt.



Parking - as long as I have a place to sit my wretched, ancient gas-guzzling boat, I don't care, so this is a toss-up.



The Amish - seriously I have only one problem with these folks, which is that Pennsylvania departs from the standards of every other place that has Amish and does not require them to bag their horseshit, which means it litters the roads, and they don't pay road taxes. You'd think the least they could do would be to put a poop bag on their horse.



In Houston you can get just about any fruit, vegetable, meat, game, or any other grocery item known to man. Seriously. It just takes a couple days in a truck to get it to you. In Pennsylvania, most of the produce comes from locals, so there may not be as much variety - try to find fresh habanero peppers here - but it sure is fresh. Couple HOURS in a truck beats couple DAYS in a truck hands down.



 (A note, here, about the Habanero. It is maybe the fourth hottest pepper in the world, behind the Red Savina, Naga Dorset, and Naga Jolokia. The others rage from twice, to nearly four times as hot as a Habanero, which is itself about 65 times hotter than a jalapeno. However, the Habanero is the one upon which I shower my attention, because it is the hottest one I can comfortably eat. Naga Dorset feels like you're going to die. The endorphin rush is wonderful, admittadly, but getting there is a biatch. The Wiki for it notes that most people who use them "touch the food with the pepper" rather than including it as an ingredient.)



[*Edited to add a note: I feel like a jackass. You can buy Habanero peppers here; you just have to look really really hard in the produce section to find the single one-pint plastic tub behind the zucchini.*]



Maybe I'm biased due to many moons of riding Metro, but the sight of two drunken farmers racing their riding mowers on the freeway makes me laugh until there are tears in my eyes, and I don't give a damn if it IS illegal.



There's no shortage of officious people with bureaucratic jobs in Houston, but there's very little help for people who are down on their luck. Up here, there aren't as many people working for the state, but they have a lot more help to hand out. (The first paycheck I got up here I was AGHAST at the number and volume of the deductions, but that's a totally separate issue. I have issues with most of that help, but that doesn't mean they're not honestly trying to do the right thing, and this isn't really about politics.)





I guess what I'm getting at is that it doesn't really matter where you live; anyplace has its ups and downs. You just kind of have to figure out how to be happy wherever you are.



I've got that down, and I'll tell you how:



Wherever I sleep tonight, that's home.

No civilian job is worse than being shot at. I promise.

I have the most beautiful wife in all the world, AND SHE COOKS.

My car may be ugly, but it runs.

My apartment may be small, but that just makes it cheap to air-condition.

The video store knows me - not like any Blockbuster I ever entered - and will order things for me if I ask real nice.

So does the hardware store.

So does the computer store.

All my bills are paid; all my bills are on time; and I have enough free time to publish offensive, sarcastic political rants on the internet.



Life is good.

I Was Gonna Do A Big Long Political Rant...

...filled topful of sarcasm and fury, but my mother-in-law is coming to visit tomorrow, which, although she is a great lady and I actually like her quite a bit, kinda has me on edge and twitchy, because it's the first time she's been in our new shitty apartment.



Fortunately, she's going to CSC's sister's shitty apartment first, which has us breathing a sigh of relief; 2 kids plus a husband on the night shift means that apartment is way worse than ours, 24-7. Ours is just cluttered - we have furniture for a two bedroom apartment, in a one-bedroom.



So, when she gets here, our place should look great!



She won't be here long,  just a couple of hours and dinner, but that doesn't mean we don't want everything to go well. CSC hasn't seen her mom in quite a while, and this is the first time she will be meeting me - since CSC and I have been together, we've been separated from either of our families by a lonnnnnng way - first hers, while she was with me in Texas, and now mine, since we're in Pennsylvania.



I refuse to use the postal code to describe this state. "Where are you from?" "PA" "WTF?" No-one else, anywhere, does that. Massachusetts people don't do that, and their state's name rolls off the tongue with even more leaden eloquence than does "Pennsylvania," so I'm not sure I understand WTF the reason is for that.



Must be a local thing.



Anyway, wish me luck with The Dreaded In-Law! Despite the fact that she's actually a nice lady.

Unsurprisingly, Yet Another Rant.

Ok.



The Democrats have been trying to pass a minimum-wage increase for ages and ages. Literally, since before Reagan was in office. They've always failed, because good sense prevailed.



However, the Republicans are at least TRYING to play "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours" by offering a piece of legislation that cuts - it does not eliminate, but merely reduces - the estate tax, while simultaneously INCREASING THE MINIMUM WAGE by $2.10 an hour, in three steps of $0.70 apiece over the next four years.



The Democrats are so dead-set against decreasing the estate tax that they are gladly willing to sacrifice the first offer the Republicans have made on minimum wage in 25 years.



Now, some of you may be wondering, "what is the estate tax, anyway? And why do they keep saying it only benefits the rich?"



Well, I'll tell you.



First, the "it only benefits the rich" thing is only true if you don't understand economics.  The estate tax is a tax on material and financial assets left as an inheritance upon the taxpayer's demise. The rate is ridiculously high, but it only affects people who are leaving a fairly substantial legacy - your dad's old Chevy and collection of fishing magazines isn't gonna get gaffled.



So, it only benefits the rich to lower the estate tax, unless you happen to be one of the millions and millions of people who work for those rich folks, in which case it benefits you as well. And there's the flaw in the Democrats' whole approach.



In an attempt to extend and continue an immoral tax - more on that later - they are screwing the very people they purport to be trying to help, YET AGAIN, by voting down the very measure about which they have been making so much noise just recently - the minimum wage.



Way to think clearly, there, lefties.



Here's the "more" I promised:



The estate tax is immoral on a level not shared by other taxes. All taxation is inherently immoral anyway - it is organized extortion performed upon the citizens by the government. Sadly, there isn't any other realistic way to pay for things. But: childless people, and stores, paying school tax is a perfect example of why it's extortion. Anyone or anything NOT HAVING CHILDREN is inherently incapable of deriving value from the result of that taxation, which means that the argument that the government is using that "contribution" from the citizen to provide them services falls apart.



However, the estate tax is far worse than that.

See, all through your life, you pay taxes constantly, even if you're not aware of it.



When you go to Wal-Mart to buy anything, you pay exorbitant taxes.



Here's how:



You're there for a crock-pot. A crock-pot is made of clay, steel, copper, rubber, plastic, glass, and maybe some aluminum.



Copper, iron, and aluminum are mined; oil is drilled, clay is dug, glass is made from sand, and rubber is harvested. The workers who do these things pay income taxes out of their wages. The cost of those wages becomes the cost of the product.



Copper is smelted; iron is made into steel, aluminum is melted and formed, oil is refined to make plastics, clay is shaped and fired, glass is melted and formed, and rubber is vulcanized. The workers who do these things pay income taxes out of their wages. The cost of those wages are added to the cost of the product, as is a markup so the company that does these things can make a profit.



Copper is formed into wires and plugs, and the heating coil. Steel is cast into the casing, along with some aluminum; plastics are used to manufacture insulation, light covers, and dials. The shaped clay vessel is glazed and made ready to be a cooking surface. The glass is polished into a lid. The workers who do these things pay income taxes out of their wages. The cost of those wages are added to the cost of the product, as is a markup so the company that does these things can make a profit.



Wires, plugs, and heating coil are added to the casing; the cooking vessel is added, the lights, dials, and rubber feet are added, the lid is clapped on, and the whole shebang is stuck in a box. The workers who do these things pay income taxes out of their wages. The cost of those wages are added to the cost of the product, as is a markup so the company that does these things can make a profit.



The product is shipped / trucked / airfreighted / whatever to Wal-Mart.The workers who do these things pay income taxes out of their wages.The cost of those wages are added to the cost of the product, as is a markup so the company that does these things can make a profit.



Wal-Mart stocks it; maintains it; and checks you out when you choose it. The workers who do these things pay income taxes out of their wages.The cost of those wages are added to the cost of the product, as is a markup so Wal-Mart can make a profit.



In most cases, the state adds a sales tax - at every step in the chain of events from the ground to the store.



In every case, every single penny of that accrued cost comes out of your pocket.



This is true of EVERY SINGLE THING YOU BUY, EVER.



YOU have a job. (Well, more than likely you do.) You pay income taxes, in addition to all the accrued tax burden of each and every thing you buy during your lifetime.



Then, when you die, what you have left after all these taxes is your estate - which is taxed YET AGAIN.

This is abusive taxation in its worst form, and causes the afore-mentioned rich people to dance a friggin jig trying to get out of paying it in any way they can.



That jig takes money, liquidity, and free capital out of the market, often permanently.



The estate tax hurts the economy. Period. It is that simple. And the Democrats are so married to it, they are willing to give every single one of their constituents the finger over minimum wages to keep it.



Very in touch with your constituency, there, guys. Good on ya.

Just So&#39;s You Guys Know...

...There's aliens, and stuff.



No, really.



Art Bell, famous UFO conspiracy theorist and cult radio host, actually got a professional watcher from SETI - Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence - on an interview on his show. Said dude, Dr. Stephen Greer, claims that SETI has been receiving extraterrestrial signals of intelligent origin, they are increasing in frequency, and they are being jammed by an earth-based source, to prevent word getting out.



SETI, of course, denies all of this, and it's likely that they're not lying; Dr. Greer relied almost exclusively on hearsay during the interview (which you can find here.)



But it does make you wonder.



The government would of course cover up any actual contact with extraterrestrial intelligences as a matter of course; people are stupid, and you know as well as I do that there would be panic, and people in L.A. would burn their own houses down.



There's also the tiny fact that the likelihood is that any race we would make first contact with would be hostile. Eggheads love to dispute this point, and so do I, so here goes.

1. In Nature, the drive to expand a species' territory is  directly linked to that species' aggressiveness.
   
   
2. The assumption that a naturally aggressive species cannot survive to advanced technology isn't even consistent with OUR OWN experience, and that's the assumption upon which many scientists base their belief in inherent XT benevolence.
3. Another unsafe assumption that many scientists make is that any civilization with which we could make contact would be ancient or far more advanced than our own. (This point will get expanded upon below.) 
   
   

Here's why I think that last is an unsafe assumption. No-one on Earth right now is looking for signals from a heliograph.



See, technology, assuming it follows the track ours  follows - I'll tell you why I make that assumption in a bit - goes in stages, from less to more advanced. Once a society takes a step to a higher stage of technology, it quits using the older technology.



Once we moved from messengers to telegraphy, we pretty much did away with the Pony Express, didn't we? Then came the telephone, and telegraph operators fell into disuse. Now cell phones are taking an ever-increasing share of the communications "pie" from land lines, and so on.



Now. Picture a vast, ancient alien species, capable of manipulating science in ways of which we can currently only dream. Whatever advanced means of communications over interstellar distances they've devised are irrelevant; do you suppose they're still looking for someone to send them a radio signal? Particularly, a radio signal which carries meaning only so species using atmospheric vibrations - sound - as communication, encoded in modulations of the radio signal's frequency?



Not likely.



This is the same reason I discard any species whose technology follows a different track than our own; if we're using pulses of radio waves to generate sound, and they're using directed microwave radiation to stimulate heat receptors, or infra-red, or ultraviolet - see, there's a huge range of ways to communicate, even only under the science WE know - there's simply very little likelihood that they'd be listening for what we're saying.



SETI is a perfect example of this. SETI scans the galactic "background noise" for - radio waves. Which means that any species we'd come into contact with would be at a relative technological par with us, (maybe 50-100 years' worth of research either way, I mean) and following a similar technological path. This also means that they would be biologically similar organisms, since technology is largely dictated by a species' senses, means of natural communication, and natural tools.



By the same token, any biologically similar species is very likely - note, I did not say certain, because we'll never know until we find 'em - to behave in similar ways, as well. Territorial aggressiveness, xenophobia, and natural hostility are survival traits. Look at any successful species in nature - every one of them has biological means of self-defense, a fight-or-flight instinct, and hostility or fear of any other species. (This excludes symbiotes, which are kinda biologically SPECIAL, and only have exceptions for their symbiotes, responding to all other species in the same way everyone else does.)



In addition to this, the drive to colonize the stars must come from one, and only one, biological source: running out of room. Species which outbreed their niche expand, or die. This means that any extraterrestrials we would be likely to encounter would be young, hungry for life-supporting planets - like ours - biologically and behaviorally similar to ourselves, at a relative technological par, and terrified of us.



Scientists assuming that our first contact would naturally come from an established, older species assume that such a species would still even recognize our signals for attempts at communication; that they would be capable of interstellar travel, and that being an older species is required for interstellar travel.



The simple fact is that we could travel to distant stars ourselves, with the technology currently at our disposal, if we were sufficiently interested in space exploration. We're not; our society is sufficiently fucked up that we're worrying about the ground, rather than the big-ass rocks falling from the sky. But we could if we tried.



We'd just be taking a hell of a risk. I'm not saying that any species we run into out there is automatically assholes - but it does seem more likely than the alternative.



And, as you've heard me say before - we might even be alone, but that does seem like a waste of a whole big universe, doesn't it?